What’s a Home Assistant user’s pickup line?
“You must be a binary sensor, 'cause you just triggered something in me.”
My Home Assistant works perfectly…
Right up until someone asks me to show them.
I set a reminder in Home Assistant to fix my automations.
It now reminds me… that I haven’t fixed them.
My kids asked if Home Assistant was spying on them.
I said no…
But then the camera turned and blinked. Twice.
My doorbell rings. Home Assistant tells me:
“Someone’s at the door.”
I look.
It’s me… holding my phone.
My smoke alarm is integrated into Home Assistant.
Now when I burn dinner, it automatically dims the lights for “romantic effect.”
I have a button that says “Don’t press.”
My kids pressed it.
Now the vacuum won’t stop chasing the cat.
My daughter asked, “Can Home Assistant tuck me in?”
I said, “No. But it’ll dim the lights, play lullabies, and turn off when I senses you’re asleep.”
She said, “So… basically yes.”
I asked my son if he wanted to help set up a scene.
He built a LEGO castle instead.
So I triggered “Impressed Dad Mode.”
Therapist: “What’s bothering you today?”
Me: “Line 5657 in my automation.yaml file.”
Haha… don’t give me ideas!
Humour’s always welcome here… share your best HA jokes and memes! Let’s keep the coffee-break laughs and dad jokes flowing. It’s good for the soul!
O Thanks! I haven’t seen it. That is a great post!.. don’t post memes here let’s keep it on that post Automation falling short. Maybe we close this post an merge it to that post. Not sure if dad jokes should be posted there though
That can error out if the joke is too long (> 255 chars). I use this:
- resource: https://icanhazdadjoke.com/
method: GET
headers:
User-Agent: "Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 10.0; Win64; x64) AppleWebKit/537.36 (KHTML, like Gecko) Chrome/126.0.0.0 Safari/537.36"
Accept: application/json
scan_interval: 7200
sensor:
name: "Joke"
unique_id: 68cdc9f0-0f9e-4d8a-a205-b9b45abd21a4
value_template: >
{% if value_json is defined and value_json.joke|length <= 255 %}
{{ value_json.joke }}
{% else %}
{{ "Your mum" }}
{% endif %}
And if you want an automation to reload instead of displaying “Your mum” as the joke:
- id: c684e361-76a5-46dc-bacb-8af3b3bc046e
alias: 'Reload Joke'
triggers:
- trigger: state
entity_id: sensor.joke
to: 'Your mum'
actions:
- action: notify.telegram_system_log
data:
title: '😜 <b>Joke Reloaded</b>'
message: >
The dad joke was too long (> 255 char) and has been reloaded.
- action: homeassistant.update_entity
entity_id: sensor.joke
- delay:
minutes: 3
Really I should just use an attribute. And will when I have less pressing things to do.
EdIt: no time like the present:
- resource: https://icanhazdadjoke.com/
method: GET
headers:
User-Agent: "Mozilla/5.0 (Windows NT 10.0; Win64; x64) AppleWebKit/537.36 (KHTML, like Gecko) Chrome/126.0.0.0 Safari/537.36"
Accept: application/json
scan_interval: 3600
sensor:
name: "Joke"
unique_id: 68cdc9f0-0f9e-4d8a-a205-b9b45abd21a4
value_template: "{{ "OK" if value_json is defined else "unknown" }}"
json_attributes:
- "joke"
Markdown card:
type: markdown
content: >
{% if is_state('sensor.joke','OK') %}
{{ state_attr('sensor.joke','joke') }}
{% else %}
Not available at this time.
{% endif %}
title: Dad Joke
