Yep! We’re now where you are. I’m thinking her working at home during COVID made it a rocky start, but she’s onboard now 
To give the OP hopefully some food for thought and to reply to some of interesting latest comments:
I now dispise having bought smart bulbs due to the fact that they can behave oddly (like TP-link bulbs turning on after a power failure) and that there’s then no more manual control. I’ve been trying to design everything in a way that you can keep going in the traditional way (e.g. switching on a light at the manual switch but automation will work besides it by using the right kind of hardware — some Shelly 1’s in my case).
To get my wife on board I ensure that she is able to do things the way she’s used to but then see I have some automation feature working for me and she’d want in so then I enable it for her. I can also battle test it well before that. I like the idea someone else mentioned about inviting your family to be testers.
Also, guests: There’s no way when someone looks after our place when we’re away that I’m going to give them access to my system (and I don’t have panels around the house yet) so they must be able to operate the dumb house then.
Lastly, a day after returning from holiday last week I had a catastrophic server failure and we were able to continue operating everything at home with switches and remotes.
These things really happen and even though it’s gone slightly off-topic I hope it can help you in defining the right strategy for your situation and getting the right hardware — including your original issue.
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