turns out I’m an idiot and avahi-daemon WAS running which is why I had mDNS… disabled that now and rebooted and I have
david@debian:~$ sudo systemctl status systemd-resolved
● systemd-resolved.service - Network Name Resolution
Loaded: loaded (/lib/systemd/system/systemd-resolved.service; enabled; vendor preset: enabled)
Active: active (running) since Fri 2022-03-11 15:47:27 AEDT; 3min 29s ago
Docs: man:systemd-resolved.service(8)
man:org.freedesktop.resolve1(5)
https://www.freedesktop.org/wiki/Software/systemd/writing-network-configuration-managers
https://www.freedesktop.org/wiki/Software/systemd/writing-resolver-clients
Main PID: 473 (systemd-resolve)
Status: "Processing requests..."
Tasks: 1 (limit: 9004)
Memory: 9.2M
CPU: 532ms
CGroup: /system.slice/systemd-resolved.service
└─473 /lib/systemd/systemd-resolved
Mar 11 15:47:26 debian systemd[1]: Starting Network Name Resolution...
Mar 11 15:47:27 debian systemd-resolved[473]: Positive Trust Anchors:
Mar 11 15:47:27 debian systemd-resolved[473]: . IN DS 20326 8 2 e06d44b80b8f1d39a95c0b0d7c65d08458e880409bbc683457104237c7f8ec8d
Mar 11 15:47:27 debian systemd-resolved[473]: Negative trust anchors: 10.in-addr.arpa 16.172.in-addr.arpa 17.172.in-addr.arpa 18.17>
Mar 11 15:47:27 debian systemd-resolved[473]: Using system hostname 'debian'.
Mar 11 15:47:27 debian systemd[1]: Started Network Name Resolution.