The genius rocket scientists at Bosch made a $3000 “smart” oven that 1) isn’t smart and 2) I was stupid enough to purchase. Without reading up on the fine print(* see note below).
I wanted a smart oven that I could A) start, and B) stop remotely, and perhaps even C) tell me the temperature inside the oven when I wanted to know that.
Guess what, you can`t.
It can do a lot of other incredibly far-fetched stuff, and, even after emailing back and forth for months, it turns out all of this is just politics, and, at the end of their last email they let me know, admittedly very vaguely but still unquestionably still in there, that I would more or less be sued by trying to use any of the data that the sensors in my (remember, $3000!) oven generated and reported, when I answered perhaps I would like to create an open source sensor to help computer nerds bake better bread. Or super fluffy cup cakes. By using the sensors. In my $3000 Bosch oven. As data to the simplest machine learning algorithm anyone never saw, because, you know, *Bosch would sue any potential bread bakers beyond belief". And just to be clear, in verbatim the actual verbage regarding this was:
Last but not least I would like to mention that if you would like to use neural network to help you cook based on Home Connect API data, you will also need our approval, as, by following our Data Usage Guidelines – “Any data that is generated through the usage of our API is neither allowed to be sold or provided to another party nor to be monetized without the prior written agreement of Home Connect GmbH.” You can find more about it on our site: https://developer.home-connect.com/how_it_works.
Anyways, I discovered by clicking next two or three times by integrating Home Connect on IFTTT, anyone with a magic IFTTT “maker channel” URL, could, in fact, turn on, preheat, and turn off the oven. MY oven. Remotely:
POSSIBLY EVEN WITHOUT LAWSUIT
So, my feature request is very simple. Please, make it possible so that if I in the future one day dare to actually call a service in Home Assistant, like, oven.turn_on or oven.set_temperature, what in effect happens is that a humongous, garbled, twice-obfuscated, triple-salted, five megabyte big binary is wrestled right up on the call stack, every single byte of it painstakenly hammered by hand, byte by byte, entirely in Power-PC assembly, from right to left by looking in an orthogonally displaced mirror, like Leonardo da Vinci did and Nicola Tesla probably should’ve but didn’t so that we can have SOME MINISCULE ILLUSION OF SELF RESPECT WHILE BAKING BREAD WAITING FOR THE LOOMING BOSCH VERSUS NERD CUP CAKE LAWSUIT. Oh, by the way, the binary ends up making a POST or GET request to e.g. https://maker.ifttt.com/trigger/turn_on_my_beloved_oven/with/key/cD8secReTl0qwu as set up in the maker channel or webhooks or however IFTTT want to rebrand a straight HTTP POST as if they invented it together with Bosch on the same afterparty just after Tim Werner Lee passed out over the last liebfraumilch.
The feature I’m requesting could easily, if anyone dares to try, even relay the parameters needed to completely fill out even the tiniest of relevant variables on this web request up on IFTTT:
Just to round off this feature request with a more personal kind of request, please, while enumerating the actual items in whatever slice or array the rockety scientists up at Bosch will returns your .py code by using their shiny new May-2020 http get technology they co-invented together with IFTTT, that if you by chance hit this particular item within the array:
That please, enable everything you’ve got regarding logging, debugging and data generation if and whenever the $3000 Bosch Oven Slow Cook feature is triggered, because that is reserved specifically for either someone at the very top in the respective smart oven manufacturing chain, or when I flat out give up on this ridiculousness altogether and just stuff myself into the smart oven cavity myself.
Thank you.
You can move on and upvote this feature request now, or grab a handful of small pebbles and get in line over there together with the Bosch lawyers and wait for your turn to show the world what happens when people don’t read the fucking manual before they buy anything.
Oh, and by the way, related to German technology companies, I just got a 350 EURO 1-year renewal from the fellows over at Teamviewer.com, for another 12 month subscription of their remote administration service I used for 1 month out of the 12 I paid for before I gave up. Turns out it auto-renews, and, keeping in with the current german business trends as depicted above, you have to cancel 28 days prior if you want to have any chance of saving up to one day finally buy that Bosch Smart Dish Washer.
