Have you tried these steps, i.e. completely resetting the configuration?
Yes, I’ve tried several times, but it still doesn’t work.
If you can control the devices remotely from home assistant app but get no response from the home app on ios then try restarting you’re homekit hub…
this is the device ipad or appletv you asigned to be the central communications between home and the remote device.
I too have had this issue and have had to create a watchdog/heartbeat to monitor the hub, if no state activity then an automation turns the plug off on the appletv for 1min then turns it back on…
this is my current work around.
another issue to watch for is remote connection through a VPN… if you have not setup your DNS correctly on the VPN you will get this issue as well.
I use Node-Red in a docker…
I have Flows that control a bunch of different things.