My smart home knows when to shut up. I didn’t automate my Girlfriend. I automated understanding

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Hi everyone :wave:

I’m new to the forum and relatively new to Home Assistant. New as in: “I’ll just take a look this weekend” and then waking up three months later surrounded by YAML, helpers, and conditional states. Hooked from day one. I’m guessing that sounds familiar to most of you.

Anyway. Somewhere during all that tinkering, something emerged that I personally haven’t seen shared online yet. So I figured: I’ll throw it out here. Maybe it’s useful, maybe you’ll laugh at me. Both are fine.

The “girlfriend is home” chip… but next level.
On my mobile dashboard I have a chip that shows whether my girlfriend is home. Nothing exciting so far. But: the icon of that chip changes color depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. This was an idea we came up with together, so this is not a creepy guy-with-data project, but a shared experiment involving humor, curiosity (and a solid dose of self-awareness on her side).

Why?
Because hormones. And because it turns out to be a surprisingly helpful layer of context in the house. Not to steer behavior, but to better understand why a day feels the way it does. For her, but honestly: also for me.

Roughly:
• Red = menstrual phase (low energy, more need for rest)
• Orange/yellow = follicular phase (energy coming back)
• Green = ovulation (high energy, social, sharp)
• Blue = luteal phase (more inward-focused, more easily overstimulated)

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The color is determined by a helper with a start date, counting days, mapping those to cycle phases, and passing that state to the chip styling. Simple in concept, dangerously fun in execution. This is a home assistant that doesn’t just control things, but occasionally also whispers softly: “hey, maybe a little extra understanding today.”

For anyone thinking “isn’t this a bit vague?”:
the relationship between cycle phases, hormones, and mood is fairly well documented. See for example:

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Curious: What do you think? Would you dare to try this at home too? :smile:

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IMO, you’re seeking approval from the wrong party. [shrug]

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All good :smile: Not looking for approval, just adding another weird Home Assistant experiment to the pile.

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I know someone who takes happy pills for mood stabilization.

They noticed the moods swings (aggressive, too happy, detached, etc) they have resulting for taking, not taking or changing meds.

I mentioned I could setup something so they may track their mood to help track meds affects.

Definitely useful

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Why don’t you implement AI to analyze her “behavior” , so it’s not only “static fact and her own opinion” which are in “control”

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- Honey, the AI is saying you are grumpy today. Is that correct?

:joy::joy::joy:

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Yeah,im pissed about tossing around in the house, cleaning up after you :rofl:

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Although menstrual synchrony has been largely debunked, it would be interesting to see if she stays exactly in rhythm with the day count, triggered by watching her icon change colour.

If not, you’ll have to work out a sensor, perhaps from a suitably-featured smart watch.

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Good point. There actually are wearables aimed exactly at this. For example, the Oura Ring uses multiple sensors (including skin temperature, HR/HRV, sleep data, etc.) to provide cycle insights rather than just counting days.

If that kind of data could be read into Home Assistant, that would honestly be a huge and very valuable addition.

For now, the day-count approach works surprisingly well, partly because my girlfriend has a very stable cycle. But I agree that combining it with real physiological signals would make it even more interesting.

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This was an idea we came up with together, so this is not a creepy guy-with-data project, but a shared experiment involving humor, curiosity (and a solid dose of self-awareness on her side).

Good. Before tracking the personal data of others in a system like HA, the concepts of Informed Consent should be applied… .

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I’m assuming you are in your first blush of youth and giddy love, early in your romance. I wish you many years of harmony, bliss, and a solid relationship.

No Black zone? The “Don’t even say anything if you value your life”, run away and hide 45 days in the month cycle?
The Blue cycle is so short, most times it may never trigger.
Have you added a button that can step over to the next phase if it needs to be seasonally adjusted and may be a day early? The kind where smashing it with a fist with fury will not destroy it?

An automated girlfriend is a impossibility. You cannot encode the nuances of joy and delight into code. The whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Enjoy!

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Yes, you’re absolutely right. An automated girlfriend doesn’t exist. But the whole experiment has at least helped me gain more understanding and knowledge of how a monthly cycle works. The changing color of the avatar throughout the month also reminds me of that. No one is stable all month long, and in her case there are additional factors at play that men don’t experience. So far, it has created more understanding and opened up conversations, and that alone is a win.

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