It’s late at night.
I decide to give a last try to this absolutely frustrating piece of a board. Why, why does everybody say just connect the battery to the 3v3 pin and it should work, yet mine does not? Two boards in a row?
Surely I must be doing something wrong.
I go over the entire schematic once again, tracing VCC’s and VOUT’s, resistors and diodes, to see what it is that I’m missing.
Nothing. There’s nothing. The 3v3 pin connects to every point that needs power.
I decide to see for myself once again. I take my multimeter, and start painstakingly measuring every last pin, my hands shaking, focusing hard to avoid shorting anything with the needles. GPIO 9 is high, TX/RX are high, CHIP_EN is high, all 4 voltage supply pins of the ESP32 are all high.
A thought pops into my head. Maybe, just maybe, the board is alive, but only the power LED is not turning on for some reason?
The board was flashed with a simple ESPHome script before. I open ESPHome Builder. The device is shown as online. But, that must be the frequent bug where ESPHome mistakenly shows a device as online, right?
I open Logs. The board was flashed to connect over Thread, over my $5 OpenThread Border Router dongle.
The logs start streaming. I stare in shock. I check that the board shows no signs of life, the power LED is off as usual. I look back at the log monitor. The temp sensor logs 30° once again.
Did I finally become schizophrenic from the stimulants?
No, no, it’s the board that is lying! It’s the traitorous, the corrupt and corrupting, the vile and evil board that is lying!
So it was working all along… It was working when I tried to work with the ESP32-C6 board, the H2’s more capable and more worthy cousin, who was disfigured to death by a smoking hot air gun in an attempt to remove its voltage regulator! It was working when I shorted one LiFePO4 cell until it melted its case, in an attempt to revive the dead! And it was working when I shorted another cell and burnt my hand!
All along it was alive and well - yet it was playing dead.
Do not trust these treacherous gobs of sand, dear reader, for they will lie and break your heart.
Huge thanks @Karosm, @Protoncek, I learned a lot trying to troubleshoot this one.